December 2017 – Voice For Them

a teenagers cry for help

A teenager’s cry for help

The setting: Every Sunday, A mother and 2 of her teenage kids, girl 17, boy 15, all come to clean and help around the house. The boy was just talking about his new phone the previous week, and this week he told me that his mom took his phone away again. They were on break, so they were gathered around the table eating their lunch. When the boy said that, I decided to sit down with them and initiate a dialogue, and see if my advice could help.

(Me) “Where is your phone?” Boy smiles with a hint of sadness and a bigger hint of guilt; “ My mom took it away again.” (Me, looking to my right, I see his Mom, who’s sitting across from him with a frustrated- disappointing face.) She then looks at me and back to him with a reaction of sarcasm: “he’s lazy!” The boy reacts with that same smile again, but adds a chuckle full of embarrassment. I immediately put my game-face on! It’s called the Listening Game. I look at the boy with a very firm, but compassionate look, and say: “what frustrates you about your classes? Do you find your teacher to not be a good listener?” (You see I automatically assume it’s the teacher’s fault, because that’s the way he sees it. In order to communicate with a teenager, you MUST put yourself in their shoes, and blame the other person. Assume that they have already tried asking for help! That’s how you get in their “listening radar”, no matter what’s correct, right, or what you believe. If you want to get through to them, you MUST see what they are seeing. Then you will gain opportunity to guide them through a different way of thinking. ) Now, to get back to my question I asked him: “ What frustrates you about your classes? With a shocked, almost like a disbelief reaction, that someone actually cares, he started explaining. It just pored out of him. I listened to every word. He talked for a good 20 minuets. (You see teenagers are full of imagination and open to learning and listening, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR MOTHER, FATHER OR SOMEONE THAT IS TAKING CARE OF THEM. Then all they see is a person that wants to judge and not care about their truth. It’s unfortunate, but that’s just what teenagers believe. ADULTS ONLY CARE ABOUT JUDGING, NOT LISTENING! The good news is; a belief system can always change based on reactions they see and hear.)

Ok, back to the conversation the boy and I are having. He’s going on and on about how the teacher doesn’t care, and will continue to fail me, because everyone has partners and his partner will not participate, so it’s not fair that he fails, because his partner refuses to participate in the assignment. I told the boy that if you don’t like the way the teacher is treating you, then TEACH THAT TEACHER HOW TO TREAT YOU BETTER. Well of course the boy quickly went silent. He looked clueless and shocked that I was taking his side. I explained to him, that just verbally telling your teacher what’s bothering you, will not do it. People don’t take things seriously until they see it on paper. When you write it down, that shows your teacher and anyone who reads it, that you value that person, because you are putting EFFORT into explaining yourself in writing. Words, believe it or not, are easy, but no one likes writing, because it takes effort and thought.

I then explained to him, that if you don’t want to learn the way the teacher is instructing you too, then create learning tools that work for you. For example, the teacher says, read a book on how to add 2 + 2, well if you find that book to be difficult, read it at least once, then create some other ways, like watching a YouTube video. There are so many avenues to choose from.

I then explained that maybe you don’t need math right now, today, but one or 2 years from now, you are going to want to save money for a car, or a future place to live, or something that’s important to you, and math, or other learning skills, may be harder or you just may not have the time to learn them like you do now.

Last but not least, I told him the most important thing he needed to master, was communication! I explained that if you wrote your mom a letter explaining what’s going on, or write a letter to your teacher, and if you see no results, show that to your mom, I bet you she wouldn’t just take your phone away. I bet she would call or even go to the school and have a meeting with that teacher or your principal. Communication is KEY, to manifesting anything and everything in life!!!

As he seemed to be engaged with what I was enthusiastically explaining, a few tears fell from his eyes. He took the tip of his sweatshirt, and wiped his eyes with it, in a discreet way.

I left the conversation there, gave him a hug, and went into another room. I called out to his mom, and asked him to come here, that I wanted to show her something. When she came in, I was talking to her briefly. She explained with tears, that he doesn’t care about school or anything, and he’s on medication for H.A.D.D. She then said she tries to talk to him, but he won’t tell her what’s going on. She continued on, saying that he’s in therapy, because he used to cut himself on purpose. As she went on with this information about him, my mind wondered and I checked-out for a moment, thinking to myself, “I never realized just how much pain this boy is in.” A couple minutes later, As my thoughts faded and I checked back in to her voice, I gave her a hug and explained with a hopeful tone; “he seems to be interested in a new way of communicating with his teachers, so lets wait see how this week goes.” She wiped her tears and we both walked back into the other room.

WELL ONE WEEK LATER:

(boy) “I did it! I did it!” He had explained that he observed and wrote what was bothering him, and why he was having a hard time completing his assignments. He then told me that his teacher was shocked and quiet for a second, but then had a long talk with him, and told him her account info for the one assignment, and how she would be his partner for that assignment. His grades are starting to improve in just 5 days. He’s in a better mood and so is his mom. He still hasn’t received his phone back, but his mom is defiantly thinking about it, now that she sees his grades have improved.

I am posting this, not to have a pat on the back, but to be a voice for so many teenagers out there, who feel misunderstood. When teenagers feel misunderstood, they have a tendency to shut down and ignore every adult who tries to “HELP” them. Teenagers are still trying to find themselves in a discreet way. Any attention brought with what they believe is judgment, they will shutdown and space out into a safe place…

There is a bomb Mr. President Trump

There is a bomb Mr. President Trump!

There is a bomb just waiting to go off in peoples heads! That’s what it’s like for people with mental health disorders. Many people are unhappy with you, Mr. President! But you can change some of those minds, by improving the Mental Health Programs and Funding. This needs to be a focus, before there are more tragedies that could have been prevented. It’s your responsibility, because you have been granted the amazing power to FIX THIS! I didn’t vote for you, but if you FIX THIS, or at least put a significant amount of effort into improving our mental health programs, then I promise to vote for you at the next election, as I am sure, many will. There are so many people in OUR COUNTRY, suffering and praying, as they go through, or watch someone they care about, go through a mental health disorder. When I called a few mental health facilities, their responses were; “Sorry, but we don’t help people with psychotic tendencies.” Mr. President Trump, isn’t that the types of people that need it the most?! Those are the ones that have potential to create destruction in the world! Right? We need more FREE, SLIDING SCALE MENTAL HEALTH FACILITIES, THAT HELP EVERYONE! We need career programs that will hire people with mental health disorders. Give those businesses some type of tax break or incentive, when they create special job positions for people with mental health disorders. There needs to be a SAME-THERAPISTS policy, meaning, when a person arrives at the mental health facility on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, they should have the opportunity to see the same therapist, so that they can build a relationship. There is a better chance the patient will feel more comfortable to open up and share their hidden thoughts. I don’t care what people say, THE ONLY WAY TO HELP PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS, IS TO PROVIDE THE SAME THERAPIST! The ones that seem not find it of importance, are those seeking medication-management ONLY! Well I am sorry! Medication should NOT be the only treatment encouraged. There should be a program with support groups that encourages good nutrition, good hygiene, breathing exercises, a fitness routine, positive thinking, journaling, group therapy, private therapy with the SAME therapists, and HOPE, that they do matter! Follow-ups and appointments that are not just booking 10 people for the same time, and then waiting in the APPOINTMENT LINE: “All people here for a 10AM appointment, stand in this line”!!! That’s not right, and it will only come one step closer to triggering the bomb in their head to EXPLODE! I am angry! I am Frustrated! It’s so difficult to see that change is possible, and prevention is there, if the people in POWER, WOULD PLEASE JUST FIX IT! Please help Mr. President Trump! I believe there is a good heart inside you! Please open your heart to the people suffering with mental health disorders. God Bless…

living with a schizophrenic

Living with a schizophrenic:

To be honest I never realized he was a schizophrenic. I thought it was just one of those diagnoses that I was used to hearing and more comfortable with hearing. It wasn’t until recently, when something traumatic happened that I decided to put effort and help him get therapy. I will NEVER forget what the MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY SAID: Sorry, but we don’t treat schizophrenics or someone with psychotic tendencies. Well I immediately thought to myself, He’s not a schizophrenic! He knows who he is and what he is saying! But as I learned more about the definition of a schizophrenic, I realized I was confusing schizophrenia with “split personality”. A schizophrenic is NOT A person with a “split personality”. Once I realized that the two, were not the same, I started researching symptoms of a schizophrenic. I starting thinking, “Maybe he was a schizophrenic?” I have seen SO MANY people have some of those symptoms. WOW, this is so confusing!!! Now that I am coming to terms with all of this, I went into action! I searched the web for phone numbers to anything resembling an avenue of support. Well 12 calls later and 3 pieces of cake, NOTHING! NO ONE seems to care! The only thing I was left with, was a stomachache from all the stress eating I was doing! I can’t believe how hard it is to find support! I explained to all the mental health facilities that, if he didn’t self-medicate with weed, then he would be destructive. Their response was, “Tell him to stop smoking weed, and once you see him acting psychotic, you can Baker-Act him”. I thought to myself, what a terrible thing to do to someone! Let them get so stressed out and in “CRAZY MODE”, And CATCH THEM BEFORE THEY LEAVE THE HOUSE DO SOMETHING BAD, LIKE GO ON F’N SHOOTING SPREE! Yeah, No Thanks! WOW! And then everyone is surprised when the news shows another horrifying event, scratching their heads wondering how could have this have been prevented??????! That’s number one! Number two, is the responsibility that is put on that person that is just trying to do the right thing, by seeking help before something terrible happens! I am not saying that all mass shootings are done by people who have some type of mental health disorder, but it is VERY CLEAR TO ME, that there is NOT ENOUGH HELP FOR PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS! Especially in the state of FLORIDA! To those who live with, or know someone who has a mental disorder, the best thing you can do is, be there as a non-judging ear, and if you are not able to be a support for them, then at least be kind to them, and NEVER take what they say personal, NO MATTER HOW RELATABLE IT MAY SEEM TO YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. The Mental Health Program, must improve and must be more accessible to those who need it and are looking for it! Not only does this Country need to improve on their mental health program, but their needs to be more programs available! Workshops and group activities. If you are living with someone who is a schizophrenic, or suffers from any mental health disorder, don’t be scared and please don’t turn a blind eye and go in denial mode! It’s there and it’s not going away! Maybe their symptoms can sleep for awhile, but all that sleep, does eventually waKE UP! Please don’t be fooled by the hope you have in your heart, that you, yourself can heal someone who suffers from a mental disorder. NO ONE can heal a mental disorder, only guide them with support and tools to help cope with it…

schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by abnormal social behavior and failure to understand what is real.[2] Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking, hearing voices that others do not hear, reduced social engagement and emotional expression, and a lack of motivation.[2][3] People with schizophrenia often have additional mental health problems such as anxiety, depressive, or substance-use disorders.[11] Symptoms typically come on gradually, begin in young adulthood, and last a long time.[3][5]
The causes of schizophrenia include environmental and genetic factors.[4] Possible environmental factors include being raised in a city, cannabis use during adolescence, certain infections, parental age and poor nutrition during pregnancy.[4][12] Genetic factors include a variety of common and rare genetic variants.[13] Diagnosis is based on observed behavior, the person’s reported experiences and reports of others familiar with the person.[5] During diagnosis a person’s culture must also be taken into account.[5] As of 2013 there is no objective test.[5] Schizophrenia does not imply a “split personality” or “dissociative identity disorder” – conditions with which it is often confused in public perception.[14]
The mainstay of treatment is antipsychotic medication, along with counselling, job training and social rehabilitation.[2][4] It is unclear whether typical or atypical antipsychotics are better.[15] In those who do not improve with other antipsychotics clozapine may be tried.[4] In more serious situations where there is risk to self or others involuntary hospitalization may be necessary, although hospital stays are now shorter and less frequent than they once were.[16]
About 0.3–0.7% of people are affected by schizophrenia during their lifetimes.[9] In 2013 there were an estimated 23.6 million cases globally.[17] Males are more often affected, and on average experience more severe symptoms.[2] About 20% of people do well and a few recover completely.[5] Social problems, such as long-term unemployment, poverty and homelessness are common.[5][18] The average life expectancy of people with the disorder is ten to twenty-five years less than for the general population.[7] This is the result of increased physical health problems and a higher suicide rate (about 5%).[9][19] In 2015 an estimated 17,000 people worldwide died from behavior related to, or caused by, schizophrenia.[10]

found on wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia